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Do you ever wonder if people think something you said was dumb? Do you ever wish you could retract that retarded statement you made when you were trying to be funny but ended up coming off as a condescending a-hole or ultra retarded retard? No worries, we’ve all been there, and it’s so much easier for people to negatively misinterpret your intended crappy sarcasm while chatting online. But what exactly is it about whatever you said that made it so ridiculously stupid? What is it about you that makes you at times become such an ultimate retard of society? Well, here some noteworthy examples.

1. The Accidental Insult

You’ve finally found the hot girl of your dreams in an anonymous chat room, so long as she isn’t actually a hairy old wizard-hat-wearing pedophile. You’re talking about typical boring crap, such as how horrid the weather is in your crappy location and how often you find yourself partaking in fart wars with your boss at McDonalds while flipping hamburgers. But then, you suddenly realize you just made a massive mistake. The girl mentioned she weighed a mere 100 lbs, and you responded that your scrawny self could carry her fat butt at least a good 5 steps before dropping her on her own head. Of course, this psychotic anorexic hottie took what you said the wrong way, called you a disrespectful a-hole, and disconnected within seconds. So much for the two hours of adventures with perverted 58-year-old foreign men you spent trying to find her.

2. The Undetectable Sarcasm

Often times, while chatting online, people will employ sarcasm to lighten the mood. However, many people in this world simply don’t understand what sarcasm is, or how to detect it. This most especially applies to the uptight and goody goody types, and is an exceptionally prevalent occurrence online, when the tone of your voice, facial expressions, and hand movements are nonexistent. So, although you said you would marry Ms. HottieWithABody6969 over the internet through a video chat with Chris Hansen as your best man and then take her on a honeymoon to 2Girls1Cup in a totally sarcastic manner, she totally misinterpreted you as being 100% serious and subsequently thought you were a World of Warcraft playing clingy virgin stalker, leading to an immediate disconnection.

3. The Comment You Meant To Leave in Your Head

You typed and sent it before you realized what you were doing, “I want to do so many epic things to you right now”. The end result? “SexyMama18: Pervert!” and then a disconnection.

4. The Compliment That Wasn’t As Nice As You Hoped

“You’re like Britney Spears but with better pantie-less pictures”. Disconnect.

5. The Joke That Wasn’t Funny

Honestly, only about 25% of the jokes I hear from people tend to be funny. However, that doesn’t account for the wittier friends versus the friends that are more likely to often say dumb things. Regardless, you really need to consider ahead of time whether or not people will find a certain joke funny. For example, if a group of people were just exclaiming how horrible racism is these days, don’t go up to them and tell a derogatory racial joke – save that for the white power guys you see at the next country fair. Something similar applies online, only you will have to extract information about someone as you go. But it’s not only the audience, it’s also the joke, especially with more generic ones. Seriously, the whole “knock knock whose there” deal lost its funny factor ages ago, so just don’t do it. Granted, you might get an erotic playful response at first from a ridiculously bored chatter, but once you get to the punch line “boo who? why are you crying?”, I would be highly surprised to see a connection remain intact, other than for a quick rebuttal along the lines of “because you didn’t lick my hairy…”.

So there you have it, 5 ways to sound retarded while chatting online. Now you have been educated on 5 things not to do in order to maintain your dignity, but chances are you already knew them anyway.